Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
