You can't special order awesome
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
