she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
