I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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