I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
