New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Boobs are out for the taking
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
