You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
