Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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