I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sorry my hands just texted you
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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