Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
