So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
