okay pat passed out under dana's car
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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