the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
