im six kinds of drunk right now
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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