made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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