he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he shaved USA in his pubs
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
