i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
