she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
