I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
