How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
