I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
