Is it normal to miss your booty call?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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