i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
