Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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