i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
