i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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