Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
