The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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