Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The adults are the big ones right?
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