She just used a chaser for red wine.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
