dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
