I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
