Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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