please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
