Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
and she was petting her beer can
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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