watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
