he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
