So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
