I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
