Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
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There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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