I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
