The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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