God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
