I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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