youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
