Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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