I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
