You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
