you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
