i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
