also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
