There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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