Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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