My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
God I need to hump something, right now.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
