Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
