wat bout pragnant strippers??
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Be still, my beating vagina.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
