I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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