I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
