Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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