Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
