can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
