sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
