I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
did you just send me my own nude
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
