So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
