We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
