How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
