Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
