It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
