My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
