I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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