I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
