I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
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sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
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Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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