she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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