it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
