i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
