Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
