I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
