This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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