i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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