You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
