my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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